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Need help with Natalka-Poltavka, a Karfaree quest.

I am working on a quest for Karfaree where you will be able to participate in the opera play. The play is a Ukrainian one called Natalka-Poltavka. For this quest I need a short rhymed translation, so maybe native English speakers would help me out? This is the excerpt in Ukrainian:

Ой я дiвчина Полтавка,
А зовуть мене Наталка:
Дiвка проста, не красива,
З добрим серцем, не спесива.

Коло мене хлопцi в'ються
I за мене часто б'ються,
А я люблю Петра дуже,
До других мнi байдуже.

The line by line translation is:

Oh I am the girl from Poltava,
And my name is Natalka:
Simple girl, not beautiful,
With kind heart, not arrogant.

Around me boys are hovering,
Even fighting for me often,
But I love Petro very much,
I don't care about others.

My attempt at rhymed translation:

Oh I am the girl Poltavka,
And my name is Natalka:
Simple girl not super-pretty,
Kind-hearted one and not uppity

Boys around me all the time
Even fighting to be mine,
But I love Petro so much,
Others I won't even touch.

I know my English is pretty bad so I hope people whould suggest improvements or alternative rhymed translations - that would be much appreciated!

Edited 6 hours, 21 minutes later by .
9 years ago Quote
9 years ago Quote

Here is how it sounds: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHPgewZAWQc

Edited 35 seconds later by .
9 years ago Quote
9 years ago Quote

A girl calls her home Poltava 
Where fellow villagers call her Natalka 
May she not be gifted with the smile of a beauty 
But shall her kindness be claimed as other's prosperity 
Welcomed by others with gifts and gauds 
As the maiden be the one they wish like a laud 
But deep down lies Petro the one 
Whom she remembers as her only one 
I somehow wrote this up in a third-person view for my thoughts, instead of self-narrating (Just to let you know, in case you don't want that)
In case my thoughts aren't conveyed clearly, I'll put it here to clarify what I'm trying to say (I'm not so confident in myself, I would say):
(There is a girl from Poltava)
(She is known as Natalka by the people)
(She's not beautiful)
(But she is like the God's gift to others because she is kind)
(Other men tries to win her over with all the pricey things)
(Because they want her badly as their life partner like someone who would go for getting a praise)
(But then, you know it, inside the girl's heart is a man named Petro)
(Which she would only care for, and would not have others in her mind)

I'm not really one from an English speaking country (well, at least we Malaysians still do, but not as intensive as America or England and the like because we tend to use our own mother's tongue respectively more often, and not to mention a lot of us uses rather "Malaysian-ised" English due to the influence of Chinese dialects)
Of course I mostly only know simple words and not the fancy ones, so maybe we can still switch off some of the words for other better ones that sound better in poetry, or just completely remodel it anyway (I'm not experienced in literature, I have to say)
I'll post some of the links I've used as reference for some of the words I've used in here: (some words intended to be used initially are what I've reassured in which to use another sentence that I think sounds better, so they don't appear here anymore, especially the word "laud" which somehow came out of my mind while I'm trying to think of a rhyme for "gaud". You know, I'm playing "consonant puzzle" - gaud, "baud", "taud", "waud", "kaud", and finally laud - Ding!)
http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/appearance
http://www.macmillandictionary.com/thesaurus-category/british/words-for-people-according-to-marital-status
http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/valuable
http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/49250/what-s-the-right-term-for-expensive-things-that-have-no-real-use

Edited 59 minutes later by . Reason: Grammar errors and rearrangement of text.
9 years ago Quote
9 years ago Quote

How about something like this:

I'm known as the girl from Poltava

The townsfolk call me Natalka.

I'm a little bit fair of face but it's my heart that is in the right place

And I have a tale to tell ya.

(Then yours)

Boys come around all the time.

Always fighting to be mine

But it's Petro I love so much

That others I won't think to touch. 

etc.

9 years ago Quote
9 years ago Quote

"May she not be gifted with the smile of a beauty"

Halven, I like this turn of phrase, but a bit awkward.  Maybe...

"While she may not be gifted with the smile of beauty,"

Then maybe something like...

"Graciousness and kindness abound."

River, your wording of the 2nd verse is great

Edited 8 minutes later by . Reason: additional line added.
9 years ago Quote
9 years ago Quote

Oh dear my home Poltava
Where people call me Natalka
Beauty is absolute not my name
But kindness makes my authentic fame
Gauds and gifts coming from gents
I'm the dream not in few cents
But oh the humble Petro I know
Is the gem I wish for anyhow
Well I think I have to agree that you can't fit in long explanations for this one like you've said, Bers, so I've tried to come up again with another one. This time, reconsidering the youtube video you gave, the play seems to have a more lively tone based on how the woman presented it in the video, so I thought to put in a little of that thought where a girl happily sings her tale. Again, I'll put down what I'm trying to say in brackets:

(Oh I a girl living in this peaceful little homeland - Poltava)
(Where I'm called Natalka)
(Although I'm not one to be recognized by my looks)
(But people know me because of my kindness)
(There are many men who wants to bring me expensive and luxurious items)
(Because I'm the very one they want as a partner like I'm a treasure that can't be counted with just a few cents)
(Oh... but a man named Petro that I miss so much)
(Is the one person that I want to be with no matter what)

Edited 6 minutes later by . Reason: Typing errors.
9 years ago Quote
9 years ago Quote

I’m just a simple girl from Poltava

You know me, I’m named Natalka,

I’m kind-hearted but not very pretty

I am humble and meek as can be.

Around me all the boys are hovering

Fighting over me and shoving.

I don’t care; I will not let go.

All my love belongs to Petro.

9 years ago Quote
9 years ago Quote

Oh I am the girl from Poltava,

 And my name is Natalka:

While not fair of face, 

I have beauty of inner grace.

Then I like the start of Rivers second verse and Proffyc end of second verse

Boys come around all the time.

Always fighting to be mine

I don’t care; I will not let go.


All my love belongs to Petro.

9 years ago Quote
9 years ago Quote
Reply to

Oh dear my home Poltava
Where people call me Natalka
Beauty is absolute not my name
But kindness makes my authentic fame
Gauds and gifts coming from gents
I'm the dream not in few cents
But oh the humble Petro I know
Is the gem I wish for anyhow

Oh, I suddenly thought of something for my last line so that it rhymes better (sounds better, but it has different spelling for the last word) with the 2nd-to-last line

But oh the humble Petro I know
Is the only gem I wouldn't say no

Edited 3 minutes later by .
9 years ago Quote
9 years ago Quote
Reply to

Oh I am the girl from Poltava,

 And my name is Natalka:

While not fair of face, 

I have beauty of inner grace.

Then I like the start of Rivers second verse and Proffyc end of second verse

Boys come around all the time.

Always fighting to be mine

I don’t care; I will not let go.


All my love belongs to Petro.

This is really good!!!

9 years ago Quote
9 years ago Quote

You've got good entries Bers.  I like the combo that Mari came up with the best for what it's worth.  :-)

9 years ago Quote
9 years ago Quote

Yes, some are good but the more variety to choose from the better :) Plus people can vote for various variants.

9 years ago Quote
9 years ago Quote